fuck 'em (& me) if they (& I) can't take a joke


BRAG OF THE ANTI/CHRIST I was prophesied before time began. The Big Bang- that was my first orgasm, and my arcing ropes of jism- that's my plasma filaments entwining into the first metagalaxy .

I AM the background radiation confounding scientists who actually think the Big Bang happened. I AM the Omega Attractor, the Photon Belt and the Electromagnetic Null Zone where your measly solar system comes from and goes to. I AM the protoGOD.

I told Satan how to polish his horns and I pulled Hell out of my ass. I am CREATION, INTERVENTION and EVOLUTION. I cooled the Earth with a glance and sprinkled the Nephilim like seeds. Adam was the stick figure on my kindergarten crayon box. Eve was my pocket ***** and the Tree of Knowledge was only a twig before I pissed on it. The Serpent- he only told the truth, that duality is for people who don't know they are me!

Jehovah was my first hallucination and when I peaked he looked at me and said, "You've GOT to be kidding!" The Ark of the Covenant is my stash. I set fire to the bush and told Moses he was SPECIAL, the rest he made up. Ezekiels' wheels within wheels- that was just me thinking about starting another cargo cult. The Great Pyramid is my toothpick. And Ra was just my perpetual fart from eating too many quasars for lunch.

I AM the Tao of the Tao, IAM THAT IAM and ISN'T WHICH ISN'T. I wrote the Book of the Dead as a owners manual and the Necronomicon as a childrens book. I AM the Multiverse, the Quantum Foam, The 10 dimensions in M-theory, and the Higgs field on the head of a fleas ****. I bow every superstring with the pubes of supermodels. I AM the Entropy, the heat death of the Omniverse, and the Zeropoint manifold that spits it all back

The speed of light is where I go to catch a few zzzzs. I teleport just to catch a glimpse of myself. I find solace in the event horizon and the black hole is my portapotty, and while I **** out another universe I read the Akashic records like you read the comics. I invented the notion of "consensus reality" and I watch your reincarnations like you watch reruns of All in the Family; so obvious yet so shocking.

The Milky Way is my petri dish. I made the constellations by slitting my wrists and spinning in circles. And you dare label my chaos. Astrology is my daily planner and my Natal Chart looks like a goddam fractal. I told the Mayans that time didn't start until they could realize it didn't- boy did that lead to some funny sacrifices! I made the twelve houses from reject archetypes- to me precession may as well be Planck time.

Despite all this I come to earth now and then. I deliberately forget I AM so that I CAN BE. While I'm here I disguise myself as a simpleton, a geek, a passive hippie, a homeless bum, because if you knew who I was REALLY, I'd be dead before the doctor spanked my ass and got the slime off me. But what's in it for me? How could I possibly get off on ANYTHING in my normal state?

I am the teacher who lied to you and the playground that told the truth.

I am the Bully and the future prison cell he'll call home.

I am the victim and the jury who has to follow the law.

I am the car designer and the mechanic.

I am the generator, wires, substation, meter, outlet, appliance and the bill at the end of the month.

I am the dinosaur, the comet, the billion years of transmutation, the geologist, the drill, the spill, the refinery, the hydrocarbon, the tank, the spark plug, the exhaust, the cancer, and the really big bill at the end of the month.

I am the greedy CEO, the mahogany table, the yesman, the clueless middle management, the overlyinformed/underpaid employee, the shotgun, the bullet and the spatula and oxyclean. I am the funeral home, the coffin manufacturer and the guy who mows the cemetery lawn. I am the hydrocarbon based fertilizer which keeps the grass green.

I am the censored corporate owned media, the guy who teaches Tom Brokaw how to keep a poker face, the TV, the couch, the wife of the victim who shot his boss, the vodka she cooks neurons with. I am the final piece of bad news that makes her take the pharmies that kill her and the little boy who'll be a bully when he gets into kindergarten.

I am the ambulance that breaks down on the way to her house. And I am the replacement CEO of the ambulance manufacturer.

I am the plant that grows from the ground. I am the molecule it produces that has a receptor site in your brain. I am the morphogenic field it sympathetically resonates with when in the receptor sites of others like you. I am the introspection, laughter, cottonmouth, munchies, and good nights sleep. I am the trees that could be left standing. I am the ocular fluid relaxing, I am the munchies NOT puked back out.

I am the hydrocarbon producer that fears the plant. I am the racist piece of **** that works for him. I make the propaganda that blaphemes myself and my creation. I am the thousands upon thousands of people like you displacing the bullies from their future prison cells. I am the stoner that taught the bully how to be kind and I am the law that put him in prison anyway.

I am the force that turned "Yeshua ben Joseph the anointed one" into "JESUS CHRIST" and JC into **** that turned a fish into a crucifix and THE WAY into CHRISTIANITY. I am the first ruler who joined 'em. I am the beady eyed cloner preacher who claims to represent me and I am the millions of suckers who buy my products.

I am the green grass, the cow, the six stomachs, and the turd. I am the spore, the mycelium, and the bulbous fruiting body. I am the blue stain and the ego pain.

I am the remembrance of myself and the eternal metabolization of truth.

I am the inventor, the novelty conserving engine. I am the self similarity.

I am Tesla seeing the AC induction motor in my mind working perfectly in a flash, I am the letter of recommendation to Edison. I am a cranky old man, jealous of myself, cheating myself of money owed. I am the war of the currents, I am Westinghouse having faith and then laughing away wireless electricity because "where do we put the meters?"

I am CBS banning Bill Hicks from Letterman. I am the ultimate servant of mankind, tirelessly working to make sure you have the highest standard of living. I am a man obsessed with the secrets of nature. I am a man responsible for your luxury and I am the forces that want you to pay for what I know. I am the suppression of the technology that allows me to suppress myself.

I am Matty I AM the secret obviousness. I am Matty because what went one eighty took me with it. I AM full circle stuck in the middle. Pretentious Humility. Loving Hatred. Divine Monkey. I am back like I said I would be. I will do what I said I would.

I AM Babylon and I AM the means of destroying myself. I AM Yeshua paying the price, I AM Tesla marking it up, and I AM Matty---------LIQUIDATING